This is my last post about XOXO — promise!

As we were heading back to the long-term parking in SFO, I asked T. what, if anything, she would like to change after the week-end we spent at XOXO. Many talks hit close to home over that week-end but two in particular were gems of wisdom, if only because they could pack a strong punch into very few words. I’m not a big fan of inspirational quotes but these ones will remain with me for a while:

• “Fuck your dreams” Hank Green
• “Creative recognition is largely a matter of luck” Darius Kazemi
• “You have no obligation to your former self, he is dumber than you and doesn’t exist” (Hank Green, again)

T. said she needed time to process the talks and as far as I can tell, she’s done a lot of thinking. As for me, the talk make me pause and think about the way I work and the way I deliver my work.

I write software for a living. In the same way designers use Dribbble to maintain a portfolio, I use GitHub to put out stuff I’d be proud to show a potential employer, or proud to show my parents — I put a lot of attention and care into those because that’s how I want to be perceived to these groups. Sometimes, I’m not even starting a cool project for fear that it’s not going to be good enough. Almost like a reverse writer’s block.

I have interest in doing these things and I learn a lot in the process — but it’s not entirely fun. And if you’re not paid for something, you should at the very least have fun doing it. So, this is what I’m gonna try to do to remedy this.

Write more and Publish more

I like writing — even though I don’t read much, I’ve always enjoyed the act of writing, be it for myself of for an audience. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but sitting on your couch is unlikely to get you anywhere. I don’t really care that I write poorly, it’s not gonna get better if I keep dorking around Stellar.io instead of actually typing words and press the Publish button. The dreadful and cathartic green button. Opening this blog and keeping it alive is one thing I am resolved to do. Writing and publishing more code is another.

Haste is okay

There are things that I want to make, and I shouldn’t care to make them to be hired, recognized or rich. So, writing and publishing a half-assed blog post is totally fine – it doesn’t matter if it’s meant for me or the rest of the world. And the same thing goes about software. Ultimately, you are unlikely to succeed (if at all) for the piece of work you are the most proud of. So, just ship whatever you have and someone else might find it decent enough to like it.

S. is leaving the country – she’s going away on a 6 months assignment for work. Her going-away party was tonight. I’ve reasoned about this since the news broke: obviously a sign she’s moved on, that she feels independent. Self-driven enough to make a decision to take a break from her friends and her job. Adding physical distance to of the emotional one can’t be a bad thing, at least from where I stand. I’m no longer going to have to be afraid to show up with a date at a party or be awkward when conversing with our common friends. She came with a guy tonight.

Nothing to do with the fact that I’m binging on Californication right now but I’ve identified with Hank at times. I suppose every cisgendered guy has. Not in the way that he’s a talented writer or have it easy with girls. But in the way he can’t ever manage to get his life together – to the point that he’s almost given up on trying and goes with the flow. I feel like I’ve gone with the flow for a while and I wish there was an obvious way to tell I am better now than I was when we broke up.

I shared a Lyft home with B. and G. and G. was lamenting to the driver it’s going to be hard not seeing her for this long.

You realize I’ve been without her for most of the past year, right?

I think I said that out loud.

This week’s This American Life by Ben Calhoun tells the heart-breaking story of a group of people taking control of a school district and methodically grinding it to a halt, at the expense of everyone else in the community. It’s a very complex and interesting story you should really go listen to.

As a person who went to school and was raised in a centrally-managed wellfare state, this is a really hard situation to wrap my head around of. Public institutions and services are not meant to serve a simple majority, they are meant to serve everyone. Justice, education, police, transportation, defense – those should be shielded from the whims of 50% + 1 people. Other parents in that district, mostly black and Latinos, keep attending the board meetings, worried sick about the future of their kids and powerless to change the course of history:

They’re not shooting our kids with guns. They are stealing their education. And we are acting as if it is normal. We are acting as if it’s OK. We are allowing them to sit in another room and let the men then come out and speak. Who is the problem? We are the problem! We need to get angry about what’s happening with our kids!

To that frustration, the head of the board throws replied with accusations of generalized anti-semitism and suggests they should go away – all in the name of democracy:

To suggest that we lack the moral authority to sit in these seats? Let me tell you right now, you don’t like it, find yourself another place to live. Because this is the United States of America.

Sickening.