S. is leaving the country – she’s going away on a 6 months assignment for work. Her going-away party was tonight. I’ve reasoned about this since the news broke: obviously a sign she’s moved on, that she feels independent. Self-driven enough to make a decision to take a break from her friends and her job. Adding physical distance to of the emotional one can’t be a bad thing, at least from where I stand. I’m no longer going to have to be afraid to show up with a date at a party or be awkward when conversing with our common friends. She came with a guy tonight.
Nothing to do with the fact that I’m binging on Californication right now but I’ve identified with Hank at times. I suppose every cisgendered guy has. Not in the way that he’s a talented writer or have it easy with girls. But in the way he can’t ever manage to get his life together – to the point that he’s almost given up on trying and goes with the flow. I feel like I’ve gone with the flow for a while and I wish there was an obvious way to tell I am better now than I was when we broke up.
I shared a Lyft home with B. and G. and G. was lamenting to the driver it’s going to be hard not seeing her for this long.
You realize I’ve been without her for most of the past year, right?
I think I said that out loud.